you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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