I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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