You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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