do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
