My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
