I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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