A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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