i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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