I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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