I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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