My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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