handjob tips. give me some.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
