i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
