I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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