how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
