this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you traded sex for a burrito?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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