ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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