the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
