I can't watch pbs sober anymore
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
