I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
