I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
