did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
