I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
