I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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