Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
