How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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