Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
