youre lurking in front of me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
