if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
