So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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