things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
