Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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