i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
