Screwed.edu
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
