drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
