Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
