Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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