Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize