I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
