i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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