Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
