I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
