you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
