i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
