Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
