Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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