I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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