Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
