She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
