Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
