i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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