Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
