and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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