Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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