Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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