Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
