I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
