New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize