Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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