You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am mentally ready for anal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
