You made me cry and you don't even care
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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