Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
