If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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