i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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