i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize