So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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