...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
