Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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